Thursday, June 9, 2011

Welcome to my life

My fifteen year old son was excited this week that he would be able to get a lot of things done. He spent four days last week on a trek at Martin's Cove, did his Sunday duties, and thought this week, after working his 9-12 job in a doctor's office, he'd finally have some free time.

I've had similar thoughts."If I can just get through this project, or that event, I'll start over on Monday, etc., etc."

On Monday, my granddaughter was with us, so my son spent his afternoon making a boat, complete with a Lego motor that really worked. Tuesday, his cousins were here, just for the night, and on Wednesday, he was invited to go and try out a friend's new Rock Band game. Then today, a younger friend asked for his help learning how to put a video on You Tube. He did all of these things, had fun doing them, and helped some people, but his afternoons are gone and the stack of library books sits unopened by his bed and the planned projects are still just plans.

When he brought this to my attention today, I had no advice because I found myself thinking, "welcome to my life."  I didn't say that, because honestly, I haven't figured out why my life is this way.

"I'm going to write, no matter what."  "I'm going to get that chapter done today." But, how do I say "no, I can't track down that phone number for you" (even if I am the RS president) or "no, I can't feed the missionaries tomorrow night" (even if no one else will do it and the coordinator has already fed them twice this week) or "no, I can't drive you to your doctor's appointment" (even if you are on pain pills and a little loopy) and on and on. If I started making a list, I would be able to come up with at least 25 things that happened this week, that took my time, that were unexpected - and at least 20 of them, I don't know how I could have refused. (And not because they were good, like Godfather's pizza.)

I have to figure it out. There has to be a way to write and have a family and a life. I'm not even that attached to the life, but I'd like to keep the family.

I found that I couldn't handle a writing career while homeschooling, but those 8 years are past. I'm like my son, I should have all of this free time, now that I'm not spending several hours a day on school, but I seem to have less.

Some will say it is scheduling, learning to say no, really wanting to write. I haven't been able to make it work yet. So far, getting up at 3 a.m. to write, has been my solution. I'm not sure that's the answer, but until life changes, or I figure out how to change it, that's my option.

At least I get to enjoy the sunrise every morning and I can't find anything bad in that.


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